Victoria Secret Model finds New Love

Earlier this week, Victoria Secret supermodel Miranda Kerr and Pirates of the Caribbean star Orlando Bloom announced their divorce. The gorgeous model announced that she is now officially dating Jason Michael Denhartog, a Texan teacher who will soon be moving to Iowa to pursue the illustrious career of pig farming. Fans of the Kerr-Bloom couple are mollified to know that Miranda Kerr has found a fitting man to replace her ex-husband. When asked about why she felt attracted to Mr.Denhartog, Miranda replied, “I just got tired of the Hollywood guys; they’re all so cliche – rich, famous, handsome, suave. I wanted something different. I wanted my pig farming Jason.” She goes on to explain his “cuteness” and “cuddle-bunny” characteristics, ending the interview with a description of how she first met him: “After my break-up with Orlando, I was devastated. I felt so lonely, so I looked up some dating websites – It was called denharthrobmatch.com. I felt like Jason’s profile was perfect for the man I wanted, so I set up a meeting with him. He told me a pick-up line as soon as we met. And it was love at first sight.”

When asked about what pick-up-line he used, Jason Denhartog laughs, “I used one from Descartes. I told her that ‘I think, therefore I am….your perfect date.’ It’s quite an ingenious one. I made it myself.”

He ended the date with another line from Kant, “Two things awe me the most; the starry sky above me and the love of you within me.”

The rest of the male population in the world can only hope to have his charm.

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