Thanksgiving Recipes to Astound, Bedazzle and Stupefy

Hi y’all! Seeing as there’s yet another Thanksgiving celebration to be had, I’ve decided to bring up some recipes to help astound, bedazzle and stupefy your Thanksgiving guests guests, and a couple to deal with those cold, boring leftovers, to make them into entirely new and surpassingly fine dishes (And in record time, too).

I’m Dreaming of a White… Mound of Potatoes

Requirements: About 8 russet potatoes, half a stick of butter, 1 cup of milk, and salt and pepper to taste

1. Boil the potatoes until a chopstick (or fork, if that’s how you want to play it) can easily slip through the skin. (Peeling is optional)

2. Dump them into a large bowl, and mash alongside the other ingredients. (Mash thoroughly to get rid of lumps)

3. Congratulations! Really fast and almost instant mashed potatoes (And far better tasting than actual instamash)

There’s Something for Everyone (Basically, gravy.)

Requirements: 5 cups of turkey stock with pan drippings, 1 (10.75 ounce) can of cream of chicken soup, 1 tsp turkey seasoning, 1/2 tsp black pepper, 1 tsp of salt, 1/4 tsp of garlic powder, 1 cup milk and 1/3 cup of all purpose flour

1. Bring the turkey stock to a boil in a large saucepan, then stir in the soup, poultry seasoning, pepper, salt and garlic powder. Reduce the heat to low, and let it simmer.

2. Warm the milk in a microwave, and whisk in the flour with a fork until there are no lumps. Return the gravy to a boil, and stir in the milk mixture. Continue to cook, stirring constantly, for about a minute or until the mixture thickens. Make sure the bottom of the gravy doesn’t become scorched.

3. Pour it on whatever (turkey, potatoes) and enjoy!

Simply Stuffing (Geddit? Simple stuffing..? Never mind….)

Requirements: 2 tbsp butter, 2 chopped onions, 6 large cubed cornmeal muffins, a handful of chopped fresh sage leaves, 1 egg, 1/4 cup heavy cream, 1/4 cup chicken stock, salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste.

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees

2. Melt the butter over medium heat in a medium sized skillet

3. Add the onions and cook, stirring, for about 10 minutes, or until soft and caramelized. Add sage and scrape into a large mixing bowl.

4. Add the cornbread pieces, season well with salt and pepper, and give it a good toss until it’s well combined.

5. In a separate bowl, whisk together the egg, cream, and stock, and pour that over the cornbread.

6. Stir the stuffing together and stuff the cavity of the turkey. You could also spoon it into a buttered baking dish and put it in the oven along with the turkey. Bake until hot and crusty on top, about 30 minutes.

Now for the centerpiece…

Requirements: 1 turkey

1. Just follow the instructions on the packet…

Not All That Glitters Is Gold (But sometimes, it’s even better)

Requirements: 100 grams of sugar,  4 tbsp of golden syrup, and 3/2 tsp bicarbonate of soda.

1. Mix the syrup and sugar on a frying pan.

2. Heat the mixture up on the stove, until it melts and turns into a mixture with the consistency of maple syrup. Should take about 3 minutes; MAKE SURE NOT TO STIR DURING THIS STAGE.

3. Turn the heat off, whisk in the bicarbonate and watch as the mixture turns golden. Put this mixture immediately onto a baking sheet or greased tinfoil.

4. Wait until the mixture sets, then bash the mass  into pieces. Serve it to guests and enjoy!

The Meal’s Done. Now What?

Now, what to do with the piles of leftovers that are sure to be there after the meal? Well, here’s a couple of ideas:

1. Turkey porridge! Take some of the meat, the bones, some rice and veggies, and boil them together!

2. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Simply recooking or even microwaving leftovers makes a nice snack.

3.  Make them into sandwiches; its amazing how different things taste when mixed together in between loaves of loveliness.

4. Hot sauce. Hot sauce solves everything: boring leftovers, cold food, unappetizing appetizers, nose blockages, genocidal tendencies, nuclear holocausts; you name it, and hot sauce can fix it somehow.

5. If all else fails, think of something yourself. You have a brain for a reason (though some of you might not use them too often); I’m sure there are an infinite amount of possibilities beyond what I could ever think of.

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